Thursday, May 1, 2008

Losing Control

I just read my friend Val's blog about being thankful for the "normal" times. I can understand me it translates to the time when a thousand stresses are not coming down on you all at once. Where you can actually go home and have a nice routine day without major interruption. Unfortunately as of late, I haven't been able to really find my footing. I've had all intentions on getting back to my "normal" routine, but I keep having to take detours along the way. It's been really hard to do all the things I want and need to do, that I'm finding myself shutting down instead of accomplishing what should be done. Granted, I'm a little high maintenance, and demanding on myself (knowing's half the battle) but I generally get things done. Example: Last night after getting home from the recording session (which went very well btw) all I wanted to do was eat and watch TV. What I should have done was eat something light, work-out, put away clothes, change the kitty litter, shower and go to bed. NOPE...I sat down in front of the TV and ate a chicken roll (it's like a calzone), then a few pieces of chocolate, then a grab bag of the new Spicy & Sweet Doritos, followed by a low carb ice cream bar, some coconut macaroons, and washed it all down with a diet coke. UM...I think I lost it folks! I knowingly ingested my entire days worth of calories in one sitting...the bag of doritos is 400 calories alone. Granted I hardly ate anything earlier before leaving for the recording session and I was starving by the time I got out + over tired + I got lost on the way to the recording session and walked a straight hour quickly and in high heels to find my way (I walked about 2 miles out of my way and had to walk 2 miles back because I made a wrong turn - ouch my poor feet). So by the time I got home I was in the f#@& it mentality...all I wanted to do was veg. and I did. :( That was the old me...about 10 years ago, where I'd go hog wild in front of the TV and just eat tons of junk. I wish I had read Rose's blog before, and I would have realize that my bad decisions were based on being over tired...I just can't get a handle on things because I'm over tired. I keep trying to get more sleep, but it just seems like I'll never catch up...I'm sooo tired...wahhhh!!!

On a positive note* I did end up walking at a brisk pace for a solid hour and covered alot of ground, and the day before I had a great interval training session on the treadmill...and today's plan is the fact my ETA at the gym is 2:15pm today and I'm gonna rock the treadmill once again. Another positive note is that I'm done with recording tracks for the movie and I can concentrate now solely on my opera repertoire that I have to learn...and the cabaletta for Prendi is almost perfect. All I have left for competition preparation is to memorize my French aria and to clean up the coloratura in my German piece...and of course keep working and perfecting all the other pieces as well. The other great thing is that all this preparation for the competition will also prepare me for the end of the year Masterclass at Dicapo Opera...This Masterclass is what casts us for next season at the opera I should be in pretty good shape when it comes :)

Ok, I feel a little more sane...and believe it or not, I think Tomorrow's gonna be a really good day for me, I can just feel it...but then again...I could have just jinxed

Have a great day!


Rose said...

Hey Bex... imagine the workout your calves got walking in those heels ;)

I'm sorry you're so tired. I might need to go up there and start setting a bedtime for you like I do with the kiddos :)

I think the best thing for you to do is forget the bad parts of yesterday (Doritos) and remember the good (extra miles) and just make the next days better.

Val always says it's a marathon and she's so right, there will be a few bumps in the road but it's a long race, it all evens out.

Love ya, and I hope you're sound asleep in the very near future!

dietbook said...

My poor Bex!

I know that you must be completely exhausted. You've got so much going on and even though it's stuff you want to be doing, it's still a lot for one person.

Binges happen. As Ron White says, I know, I've seen me do it. :-) And when you are not only physically tired but mentally exhausted - and when all the little things are going in crappy directions leading to mental frustration - sometimes the f#@& mentality is just too much to fight. And sometimes, you just have to throw up your hands and let nature take its course, and get it out of your system.

It's okay, it really is. You've been going hell-for-leather for several weeks now, even more than usual. So you momentarily hit bottom...okay, that's not a bad thing, because there's nowhere to go from there but UP. And I don't want to hear from you on Monday about how the weekend was bad so you suck...because I don't care, even if the weekend IS bad, you have kicked butt on this challenge and you are absolutely going to continue to do so. :-)

I've been having a really tough time getting my head straight too. But you know what? We're going to do this. We've got four weeks left and damn it, we're not getting torpedoed this far in!

So whatever the weekend brings - and we can only do our best and try to rest up to be ready for next week - on Monday morning it's bare bones, no excuses, no self-sabotage. Just good hard work and discipline.

We've had our fling. Now we're getting back to what's been working so well for us. :-)

And meanwhile, give yourself a big hug from me and know that it's all right, it's not the end of the world, and you're still The Woman. Cause anyone who can walk four miles round trip in high heels and NOT eat her weight in chocolate and Cheetohs, is in my book a total rock star. :-)

Love you, darlin'. Have a great weekend.