Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Rejection

Sorry I've been MIA for the past few or so days. I was dealing with the lovely feeling of rejection *rolling eyes*. I'm in a business where you get 10 times more no's to the one yes, and you'd think after so many years doing this that you'd get used to it. WRONG. It does get a bit easier, and you start to understand that it's less about you or your talent and more about who you know or what exactly they are looking for. This past experience is a great example of that. As I had written in earlier blogs, that I had a personal invitation to audition for the title role in The Liederkranz's production "The Merry Widow". I was truly honored to be invited and thus gussied myself up, warmed-up and headed up to the audition on Saturday. I felt that I looked good, performed well, and sang beautifully...in fact we were chatting and laughing as soon as I walked into the door of the audition. They seemed to like me not only as a performer but as a person as well. So I did my thing and left feeling confident about the audition...the only question in my mind was, should I have worn more make-up? I know that seems like an odd question, but this role is usually cast older, and the more make-up I wear, the older I look. I was in such a hurry to get to my audition on time on Saturday, that I was just wearing my fresh looking street make-up and hadn't had a chance to put on the dramatic stage look. When I'm not in full make-up it makes probably 5 to 10 years difference in appearance. I'll attach photos for you to compare for yourself. So I waited for the call of whether I got the role, a call back or even a chorus part...around 8ish pm, the lovely Vegan Diva text me and asked if I had heard anything? So I called her up and said, no, no word yet and inquired the same of her. Sure enough she had received a call offering her the role of Olga (one of the lovely wives)...about 2 hours after that, I had received another text asking the same thing, this time from my friend KV...so I called her up and said, no, no word yet and again inquired once again the same thing...she too had been called and was offered one of the other wife roles in the show. By then, I was crest fallen...I knew if I hadn't gotten a call, that chances were slim. I really had my hopes up for this show; I sing the heck out of it and really enjoy the role...but two days past and not one single peep regarding it. So I took my friend KV's advice and called up the nice lady who invited me to the audition and let her know that I am a team player and am always willing to play any role in a show. She called me back that evening and thanked me for my kind message and we discussed the audition. Turns out that the panel truly loved me...that they thought I sang beautifully, I looked great and read really well. She said it was a joy to sit back and watch me perform. However, they all felt that I read too young for the part. CRAP...I knew it! I had even said to my friend KV at the audition that I really should put on more make-up, but there wasn't time. I thanked Liz for her honesty and told her I totally understand that when casting a show that all the components have to fit together, and that my casting really depended on how old the male lead was (because the two have to be close in age for the story to work). She let me know that she wished she had known that I would have taken another role earlier, but they had already cast the entire show...she also assured me that I will be receiving future audition invites and future gigs as well. So something good did come out of the whole experience. I honestly don't know how old they're casting the widow, and I don't know if a little more make-up would have made a difference anyway. But I can come out of this whole thing knowing I did my best, that they respected and enjoyed me as an artist, and that I have made a good connection for the future. So you see it's really not rejection at all, but just a difference of circumstance.

Whew, now another thing about the "rejection" part. Remember I was "crest fallen" about the audition and not hearing anything? That really took a toll on me emotionally and for the next 12 hours, I was feeling "poopy" and pathetic. I had no appetite and no gumption to do anything but to lie in bed and feel sorry for myself. This is when emotional eating could have taken over. Jake asked me what would make me feel better, and I said chicken wings and a pizza...lol...but then I assured him that there was no way I was going to screw up the hard work I've put into cleansing and detoxing my body. So instead, we treated ourselves to hours of video games :) I think that's a better treat than a caloric inducing one, don't you?

The eating this weekend wasn't terrible either. I knew that we had a party to attend for Superbowl Sunday (Go Giants!)...so I pre-planned, and headed to Whole Foods and picked up gluten-free, baked corn tortilla chips, organic kettle chips lightly salted w/sea salt, some olive oil terra chips, organic salsa, avocados, hummus, artichoke spread, olive spread, limes, and cilantro. I knew I'd need snacks and I picked authorized, gluten-free and vegan choices. My friend Rebecca made so much food too. She mixed up the guacamole making sure to season it with sea salt, and had prepared a veggie tray for me. So I spent the night nibbling on veggies, chips, hummus and guacamole...oh and while everyone was having beer or cocktails, I made myself apple spritzers...1/4 seltzer to 3/4's organic apple juice :) I also made sure before I went to the party that I had eaten well...I made up a nice mushroom, garlic marinara and put it over quinoa pasta with a nice mixed green garden salad on the side with lemon garlic dressing I had made. It was nice and left you feeling satisfied...in fact, Jake commented that this way of eating really made him feel good and healthy with tons of energy, instead of lethargic and uncomfortable like one usually feels after eating a pasta dish. (Yay Quinoa pasta!)

Today's plan is to continue to eat clean and get in my ballet bar class. Have a great week!

2 comments:

dietbook said...

Oh, Bex...that is a bummer. BUT - as you said - with a major silver lining! At least you know absolutely that not being cast was in no way a reflection on your skill or ability as an artist. I'm so glad you called and talked to her, that takes backbone and is probably the best thing you could have done, and will totally pay off in the future. I'm excited for you!

I'm so proud of you for making good food choices too - emotional eating is probably the hardest thing to overcome, I think. You did great though, and what an awesome way of planning ahead for the Superbowl party! You're doing everything right. Give yourself a big pat on the bag and a huge hug from me. :-)

V.

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